Control The Wood!

Morning wood is a beast but I have a couple solutions to simmer down that morning wood! You can first do the Tummy Touch if your able. Simply loosen your belt, flip it up on your belly button, and you're good. When it goes down it simply pops back in the boxers! This method may not be suitable for thong wearers (EWWWW) or for that morning piss. Number 2 is to think about the fattest,nastiest, most un-sexy thing you would never bust down and it should shrink right down depending on the severity of your hardness.

We all know about urine filled wood.

Its like a uncontrollable water hose. To conquer that human garden hose simple lift the toilet seat, get on one knee, take a firm grip and wiz. Now if you can't make it into the toilet water then simply sit down! If your spouse or associate enter in the bathroom tell her to get out cause you have diarrhea to explain that pouring sound!

Now if you have morning wood for more than 20 minutes I highly recommend rubbing one out. I haven't personally tried this method but I heard it works like a charm plus it helps prevent testicular cancer!

L2K!!!!

We've all had that person in our close circle of friends who said some
Fairy tale type ish. L2K or Lying to Kick It makes that habitual lying
Friend that much funnier! For instance, you came back from the club and
your friends bring some chicks back to chill with. You notice the L2K
hommie has tagged along. You're not mad b/c you can cuss this person out for fun and correct their faulty lifestyle for a few laughs. The convo is running smooth and a girl asks him, "What do you do for a living?" In the mean time the chick he is talking to looks familiar but you can't put your finger on it. Well you know your boy is jobless or works somewhere that's equal to unemployed in a female's eye but he spits out "I'm a contractor!" You can't hold your laughter in but you got to so he can embarrass himself first. Then she says, "O yeah that's cool... So what company do you work for?" Before she answers she looks at his shoes b/c for a shoe test. This boy got on some all black BIRDMAN LUGZ.

She knows he’s lying now but she wants to see if he is going to fess up! He secretly follows her eyes and sighs b/c he got to explain this wardrobe malfunction on top of thinking of a good contracting company. In-between time you and your boys just sit back and laugh inside b/c he is about to fumble like usual and you remembered that she works for contracting company AIG on the ship! So he says, "I work in the Norfolk shipyards but I’m the supervisor of AIG there. I had to work late today so I just kind of threw something on." She replies, "O yeah? I work in the yards too and I supervise that same company but you don't work for me." That's when all the laughter erupts and Mr. L2K knows he can't fish his way out of this one....

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BORING!

Man im really bored right now b/c al I want to do is make music and take care of my family. This military ish is good for my family though I make bout 43 a yr and 80 on combined income. I never have to worry about cash and stuff. I help a lot of people finacially and I have free health care. With all these incentives I feel like I have this void in my life. I know its music b/c everytime I see a rapper or hear a beat I get excited. Im such a dreamer that reality is an illusion. Really man I play the lottery b/c I know I can change a lot people lives finacially like opera big give type ish. Most of all I can finally focus on what I love...MUSIC AND FAMILY! I guess imma fiend fa that ish bc im having withdraw sympthoms ya kno.......

DO I KNOW YOU?

Friendly azz people....This is written b/c my boy Lloyd said he wants me to write about this particular subject. Have you ever been walking and somebody you didn't know that well tried to dap you up? You know the guy who always some how end up around your crowd of people and no one knows who he is? This guy in the urban lingo is known as a "FRIENDLY AZZ NIGGA". I know a couple but the worst ones are the ones you work with! You purposely never say anything to them because you don't know them. They don't say hi to you one on one its always when you around somebody or your friends when they want to speak or dap you up. They purposely do this so they can look important around your peers. They don't want to break the ice with you that will be a waste of their time. They rather get seen by the whole crew so they can hear "Who is that?" So every time they see you all he can show his face and now you have to acknowledge him and now he has a chance to fit in! These people piss me off because they don't politely try to come up to you any other time. Its only when you with your people. My solution is to hit with the "WHORU?" Soon as he try to dap you up say " NIGGA WHO ARE YOU? Then he have to explain himself and I bet his heart is beating fast cause he fears that your peers see that he is a LAMEAZOID! In these cases they either walk off or give you the whole spill. Like "I'm Joe I work in the same dept with you or man we was chilling at the same spot one time." Then you hit with, "Naw I don't remember you!" Gets them every time. Now he has to re strategize and find some one else to lie to kick it (L2K) with....

L2K BLOG IS COMING SOON!!!

Drunken poop

Today was my duty day. In the navy you have to stay on the ship for 24 hrs every 4 to 8 days or more depending on your command just in case something happens you can help protect the ship. Today during a real fire (no one was injuried) I found out this girl got excuse drunk. Excuse drunk is drinking just enuff so you can say you blame anything stupid on your liqour. So anyways this broad is about to hop in the car but she pauses. This girl isn't ugly. She's fairly pretty but she walks around with her nose up so something bad was already due for her. Her friend said "Girl sit in the front by ya man." She was like "Naw imma sit in the back." So the girl was like "Why?" and she said "I shitted myself!" Now this aint your runny bubble guts shit this is your 20 minute take ya clothes off cause you getting to hot shit! So the guy who was driving didn't know and he ask the girl "Why you sitting in the back?" She just started crying! She wouldn't say what was wrong but HE SMELLED HER PROBLEMS CAUSE SHE SHITTED HERSELF NOT ONCE BUT TWICE IN ONE NIGHT! So she took her clothes off and put the shitty clothes in the trunk. When she came to work on monday the whole boat knew the story now you know the story!

2 FATHERS? GAY PARENTS

As I was watching "A Shot with Tila
Tequila" the gay marriage arguement was brewing. One guy was against it and of course the gay girls was pissed! What caught all the people off gaurd is when this guy said, "Every child deserves a mother and father!" So one of the lesbos said, "I grew up with no father and I turned out fine!" STOP! Me im not against gay people because I believe that we all are sinners in our own way. But when you doing wrong you got to know its not right. Right? How can you raise a child from birth with same sex parents without bringing uncessary conflict b/c of your decisions? For example, you adopt a 6 month child when this child goes to elementary all it knows is 2 mommies or 2 daddies and he see's that his other compadres only have 1 mom and 1 dad are you ready to answer that question? Am I saying gay parents aren't fit? No by no means will I state that! Matter of fact this guy I know mom was gay and he turn out fine but he knew his father and understood the concept of mom and dad! To be homo and married and trying to raise a child not teenager who knows what a adam and eve is in my mind is wrong. Yes im christian and I do believe marriage is suppose to be with man and woman. Its not just a label and to some homosexuals they feel that god sent them their partner! That's like me being a big drug dealer and thanking god for all the dope I have! To make a long story shorter lets try to be real with ourselves and ask your partner are you really ready to try to bring a child through what yourself has been thru times 2 all over again?

Top 10 mtv mcs

Kanye West
Jay-z
Lil' Wayne
Rick Ross
Snoop
50 cent
Jeezy
Lupe
Andre 3k
T.I.

This was generated by a round table of "HIP-HOP EXPERTS!" I sat thru that 30 mins worth of humiliation to see Rick Ross get put over Jeezy and Lupe and to hear that Wayne hasn't delivered. First of all the casting was so stupid. You had this guy from hood someting that's on mtv2 and he try to argue that SOUJA BOI SHOULD BE IN THE TOP 10! Maybe the top 10 club bangers slash dancing movement records but as a top 10 mc hell naw if that's the case then SHAWTY LO and YUNG JOC wack asses should ve been on there! What pissed me off the most is the drop T I from number 2 to number 10 how in the hell you go from top 5 to bottom 10 that's like saying man Megan Good is top 5 hottest chicks then she doesn't do a movie next month so now she PEOPLE MAGIZINE TOP 10 UGLIES....I just noticed these mothersuckas like my boy Bizzy D say aint in the game. They probably don't even know what "Da Drought 3" is and only buy ish that comes on mtv! How the freak can Rick Ross be top 5 when every song he got on his album has a guest appearence with his poor lyricism and great beats! You know what they should've put an astrik by his name and give credit to T-Pain bc he features on everybody ish any ways! Ricky Boss should definly be under Jeezy b/c that's who style he mimicks and that's the truth. Man to me i'll say Lil' Wayne has the crown. I understand he aint drop a album but really you haven't been this excited to buy an album since "Get Rich or Die Trying" blew up the market! But I do have a top 10!

1) Lil wayne
2) Kanye west
3) Jay z
4) T.I.
5) Jeezy
6) Lupe
7) 50 cent
8) Andre 3k
9) Rick ross
10) Snoop dogg "he don't even write but sensual seduction is my JAM! "

So critize me got slam it I know what's right well at least in my mind!

MRS BADU YOU BETTER KILL IT!

Man I had a IFFY day yesterday I usually post a in depth blog but 2day im kinda excited b/c im going to see Eryka Badu LIVE.I Iike her b/c she's soulful and her music is good. I read a interview in blender and she said she's bad with time and time is for white people! I thought that was hillarious b/c its so ignorant and I have a wierd sense of humor but she is kind of right in a way...b/c white people like to be punctionual to show you their trust worthy so im not gonna beat her up about it. My wife is white she probably would've been affended. White people are cool man b/c when yo black ass is late for work you better hope your white homeboy /girl taking up for you cause they can't trust yo late ass!

Lameazoid

lame-ah-zoid-n- individual who intentionally tries to manipulate or ruin your day!

The Lameazoid! No this is not a geometrical shape but definitely a unique individual. Lameazoid is not set to gender and they aren't easy to spot. Most of them have bitchass-ness characteristics but look like me and you. Lamazoids always existed, even back in Christ era when you were stoned for just about anything! Now in days they have evolved to become smarter and lamer...For example you go out with your lady friend you just bagged, and this guy comes out of no where claiming how he knows you. He's talking belligerently and he says the unthinkable "Hey man is this your girl?" You don't want to say yes with confidence b/c its really not your girl and saying no is like calling her a bitch slash hoe. This particular lameazoid knows this that's why he propose the question. But before you can even answer the question he continues with, "I know you! Weren't you here last week?" Now you're stuck and you can't kick his ass b/c you look guilty as O.J. with a bloody knife and 2 gloves. You can't help that this is one of your favorite spots plus indulging in his convo will be disastrous b/c he'll start describing her attire and physical attributes from your previous date. So the only thing you probably can do is walk off and get some quick explanations rolling! Lameazoids are quick on their feet. They know the perfect time to put salt in your game. So be aware of your surroundings and keep a watch full eye.....

She got a B-Daddy?

This is the age old question. Can I criticize a 20 yr old single mom who doesn’t know the baby daddy? I say yes for the GIVERS ! I believe if she spread her legs with men with an ALIAS instead of a first name or YOU CAN’T RECALL THE FIRST LETTER IN HIS LAST NAME then I say YES. The givers supply men with what they need, and that’s a night full of action w/o the baggage of sweating bullets b/c he knows who she is and who he is associated with. The man is complacent with bagging her and tagging her. Trust me it makes great conversation the night after with the fellas on the way to the next club!
How can you qualify as a GIVER? Example Uno... A man meets a woman at the club and he is saying everything she wants to hear and buying what she wants to drink. She makes the decision in her head that he's cute and 75% single and she is lonely and horny so one night stand is probable but more likely reality. Fast forward conversation to contemplation on buying hotel, or bring him home if your single or the other man is just out of town! No rubber? No problem! It feels better anyway when you’re buzzed or drunk enough to know what your not doing right! He puts it down (if he's drunk) or disappoints you but he nutted inside (which is every man dream plus less mess). Couple weeks later your pregnant with whatchamacaliks baby and you probably couldn’t pick him out from a police line up if you wanted to. Now that’s my example of a giver. WHAT’S YOURS?

Cop Frustration!

Frustration?

May 8th Rodney king all over again? As we know, twelve cops “blood gang jumped” three men for an “apparent” drug related shooting. How hard is it to be a cop or shall I say a professional? I look at a cop and I think please don’t pull me over because I’m doing 65 in a 55 but in the back of my mind I consider protect and serve. On the many hearts of The Philadelphia Police department all they could reminisce about was the loss of three cops by gunfire in the last 22 months. In addition, most recently Sgt. Stephen Liczbinski, 39, a 12-year member of the force, was gunned down in the nearby Port Richmond section. According to Health Magazine, police officers are ranked number two for Americas Top High Stress Jobs. Moreover, about 60,000 police officers are attacked annually and 56 cops die yearly according to Nationmaster.com. So is this an excuse for frustration for their actions? By no means! Let’s define frustration and assault. Webster says frustration is a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs. Hmm… How about assault? Assault… an unlawful attack or attempted attack upon a person for the purpose of inflicting severe or aggravated bodily injury. I’ll take assault for 10,000 BOB! Even though I know that these guys are under tremendous pressure they have to stay professional. Our children look up to these guys (cops that is!). With actions like that they just prove the ignorant man philosophy that all cops are crooked! Should the 12 cops be indited for aggravated assault or keep their administrative job? Well that’s out of my hands……….